Joy That Emerges From Perpetual Pain

JOY THAT EMERGES FROM PERPETUAL PAIN

Conceived and then lived inside a womb for nine months. Protected inside your mother’s body as every bit of you is formed till the day you are birthed into this world. A day that will always be remembered as it marks your entry into this world. Every year celebrations commence to remember the date of your birth. As the years go by and as you grow you begin to envision the ideal life for yourself. The perfect job, perfect family and being that perfect individual that is highly respected and admired by many, not forgetting the ability to go through life without ever worrying about money because it is always at your disposal.  Waking up every morning and going to bed without ever dealing with stress, anxiety or worry because your life always follows a regular pattern because all the plans you have for your life come to pass at your set time and pace. In a nutshell you live a perfect life. 

The picture I have just painted is a life that exists in a world where no one will ever get to see because there is no such thing as a perfect life. We might all desire perfection but none of us will ever live to see the day where we fully exist in it. In the imperfect world we all live in, pain is a part of life. Not a single human being can ever live to say they have never endured pain in their lives. Pain is more than just a feeling, it is an experience. An experience we all loathe but one we can all relate to. It is the only thing that we all share in common. Whether you are going through it, have overcome it or will still have to come in contact with it. In the words of inspirational speaker Thobile Mkwanazi “we have to seek wholeness and not perfection”.

Life has a way of knocking you down so hard when you least expect it. It can take you from an all time high to feeling like you are trapped at your lowest point with no way out. Incidents in life can shock you. 

After months of research and advice from your financial advisor you could invest a large portion of your wealth into financial assets that deem no profit or even worse lead you to bankruptcy. You could take up a large portion of capital from a business you built from scratch with your hard work, sweat and tears to start up a new venture which at the time seemed like a feasible venture, only to find your business no longer exists due to a bad business call. You could wake up a millionaire one day and end up being unemployed with no money the next day. You could one day be celebrating being the first graduate in your family not knowing that you will soon find yourself as an unemployed graduate doing nothing all day. You could one day be celebrating the beginning of a Godly union with your husband only to be signing divorce papers years down the line. You could one day be holding that precious baby that came out of your womb and years later are at their grave side because someone raped and murdered your teenage daughter/son due to their own evil nature. The man you vowed to share the rest of your life with could be the very man you discovered molested the child that was conceived from his own sperm.  These are just a few of the many harsh stories we hear and sometimes sadly experience on a daily basis. All of which bring an immense amount of pain that we have to deal with and at times put on a strong front because ‘’ its life” or as many say “these things happen we just have to move on”. Like I said, pain is an experience not just a feeling. Feelings change but an experience lives on as a memory. 

We don’t gain wisdom, knowledge and strength by our own might and intelligence. It is the world we live in that forces us to rise above lives struggles and find meaning in life despite how much it may hurt. Everything good is accompanied by evil. Without the evil doings that are occurring in this world we could never be able to recognise and appreciate the good. Pain was designed with the sole purpose of shaping character. Now in which way it shapes your character solely depends on you. No one has the right to judge the actions you perform today because they don’t know yesterday’s pain. We might never be aware of the struggles our fellow peers have to endure. How you react to your own pain and downfalls is entirely up to you. 

You can either choose to be the woman who survived rape and used her pain to speak and relate to other young girls who have experienced the same or similar trauma; Or you can choose to be that woman who was raped and went through life having casual and meaningless sex to numb the pain that came as a result of her hurtful past. You can choose to be that man who was molested and used his pain to let young boys who have been through the same pain know that they are still worthy and in no way does it make them to be less of a man; Or you can choose to be that man who beats up all his girlfriends and rapes women because he gains his strength from seeing women cry. For him their weakness makes him feel like more of a man, because when he was molested he felt like he lost all his power to be a man. You can choose to be  that entrepreneur who advices upcoming entrepreneurs that even when your business is liquidated you can still make it with perseverance and the right attitude; Or you can choose to be that entrepreneur who gave up after his business went down and now resorts to substance abuse because he feels like he failed himself. No one can ever take away your hurtful past or control the sad experiences that life brings about. Someone can however learn from your pain and gain strength from it. The decision is entirely up to you for you have the freedom and will to deal with your own pain as you see fit.

At times pain is perpetual and it seems like it is never going to end. No matter how hard you try to see the beauty in life your situation only gets worse. Life my dear reader never stops or sympathises with anyone. It comes in seasons of good moments and seasons of painful moments. One thing I have learned being in a current season of pain myself is that it is okay to allow myself to feel the pain at times. It is okay to cry myself to sleep and wake up with a vivid memory of last night’s pain. My life might not be where I want it to be but in no way does it mean I have to lose hope. I am currently in a season of rejection which results in pain. I have had my moments of feeling useless and wondering why all my hard work and persistence is reaping zero results. Periods when I keep trying my luck to unlock the door of success only to find myself back at the same position I was in. I have learned that sometimes the plans you have in life will not come into existence at your preferred pace and time. In my season of rejection I have learned the importance of perseverance and patience. I have channelled my pain to bring out strength in someone else. Happiness ultimately is a choice.

 Complaining serves no purpose all it does is set you back for life was never meant to be easy. None of us are immune to pain, we all face pain but not all of us can experience joy. Joy is an extended satisfaction of happiness and the choice to be happy lies upon your attitude towards lives situations. No pain is permanent but irrational reactions to pain can lead to permanently damaging outcomes. It is important to be careful of the actions you choose to perform. The mere fact that you are reading this article is reason enough to smile. Whether you are reading it through tears or a broken heart or even shattered dreams you are still breathing and your heart is still beating, meaning you have another chance to give it a try and reason to let a smile emerge through pain.

Leave The Rags and Embrace The Fine Linen

LEAVE THE RAGS AND EMBRCAE THE FINE LINEN

You are the most beautifully, sculptured and handmade design to ever walk on earth. When you were born you were bathed in sanctified oil and wrapped around in only the finest linen. You were birthed as a princess of a royal priesthood and pearls were placed all over your body. From your facial features to your well defined body, you were planned to the “T” and there is no mark of a single mistake left on your body, for you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  You were presented into this world as a work of art for you are a one of a kind master piece. All this alone defines your exterior.

Within you is a warrior. A fighter and a survivor. You were shielded with an immense amount of strength hence only you alone can carry a seed and let it grow within you for an entire 9 months. Only you have been blessed with the ability to carry AND give life. You have been deemed as being emotional by those who don’t understand the transitions you have to undergo every month when your cycle comes. You have an ability to still hold it together even when your raging hormones are tempting you to fall apart.  When you were created you were given all the wisdom, knowledge, tenacity and will power to survive in this jungle of ups and downs that we call life. Your hands have a smooth, loving and nurturing touch. You have a powerful ability to forgive, nurture and give compassion without expecting any rewards for your kindness. Your insight always gives light to a dark situation. Your presence is felt whenever you step into a room for you exhort confidence. All these are an extension of your beauty and personality but what makes you truly beautiful is your ability to be yourself and the respect and dignity you uphold for yourself simply because you know your worth.

Knowing all this about yourself I sometimes wonder why you clothe and wrap yourself in rags when you were born being wrapped in fine linen? Why have you allowed the media to be your bible and dictator? Why have you lowered your worth just to gain attention from the wrong crowd? Why have you become so desperate for love that you are willing to take anything that comes along all because your image does not depict the image of the models you see on every magazine cover you have purchased? Why do you fear expressing your intelligence all because you have been deceived to believe that seduction and showing your skin are the only ways to get attention? Why have you made yourself to believe that your body is as far as your worth could ever be defined? Why do you give those who do not even know the real you access into possessing the definition of your own worth? Why have you allowed your insecurities to cloud that voice of wisdom that lies within you? As you try to answer all these questions you begin to realise how you have allowed yourself to drown in a pool of confusion, trying to figure out what led you to this point. It is time to drain out all that filthy water out of that pool of self destruction you have found yourself in. Clean out all those negative words that told you that you will never amount to anything. That the only way to ever make it in life is to marry a rich man. That women were never shaped to dream big and aspire for greater things and can only reach a certain level of success. If you ever suffered from such a mentality it is never too late to walk back into the path that you were always destined for.

When you were created, you were designed as that hope for a nation. When you are educated it is in your nature to pass on that knowledge to many others. Your wisdom alone can transform a hopeless nation into becoming a nation that is bursting with hope. Your number one role was to be a helper. In no way does it mean that you have to lose all your aspirations just to serve, but all that it means is that you alone hold the power to serve others into a greater place. You can serve orphans to feeling the love of a mother, you can serve a family to having its strong values, and these are just a few of the many things that your service brings about. Never feel demeaned by your role to serve because through service greatness emerges. Your active hand is what gives birth to greatness. 

Never allow yourself to be validated by societies idea of beauty. A society that has given a term to lighter women, making darker toned women feel as if they don’t measure up all because they are not “yellow’. A society that has made Botox and Liposuction become a norm and has made a size 0 become the new size 2. You are far above this so rise above these meaningless perceptions instead of conforming to them. You have allowed yourself to run a race with societies deceptive views, that to drive you to hate your own kind. Always looking down on your own kind, measuring your beauty and even the kind of men you date as being better all in the name of comparison. You need to WAKE UP and realise that pulling your fellow sister down is what is setting us back in becoming influential. We always work better and are stronger as a unit. It is time to put an end to the PHD (pull her down) syndrome and start a Pull Her Up movement if we ever want to become significant.

 Life is far too precious to waste time on indulging on negativity, all to please people you don’t even know. Define your own beauty and raise the standard you have set for yourself. This message is continually preached all because you just don’t seem to get it!!!!!! Let today be the day you see yourself as more than what the mirror conveys. You need to start making use of that immense potential that lies within you. You are something far more meaningful than that Indian hair or flawless make up. Yes they enhance your beauty but they can never define you WOMAN!

I wrote this article for all you beautiful sisters as it really saddens me to see how we have let ourselves go. Dignity and worth are slowly dying out. We are too focused on validating ourselves with meaningless things that we are failing to nourish our characters as women. Let us be the change we want to see in our daughters. There is still hope for our generation but it all begins with you. Another thing let’s stop hating on each other; it is so bad that even men can see how women never support each other. God shaped us to work better as a unit so let’s start supporting each other. I leave you with this one message” learn to know her story before you judge her actions, for you are your sisters’ keeper”